/pony/ - Pony

tl ; dr help me sort out the reality between the "stop being a f*cking oversensitive special snowflake whiner who doesn't understand what men need to do to women and parents need to do to children by nature, you pathetic p*ssy" messages that I hear versus the "holy sh*t what's wrong with you if you believe child molestation, domestic abuse, etc is just the natural order of things, you need to change your life situation fundamentally" messages that I hear

I appreciate honesty so if you're thinking "man up, you little bitch" then just tell me and be frank

The fact that I called the cops on a domestic abuser kind of makes me feel disgusted with myself in that maybe I should've not been so nosy and invasive in the first place, like am I just being some kind of moronic sissy who just doesn't understand the facts-of-life

At the same time, if you're from like a middle class family in like Norway or something, you might consider all of this genuinely insane and think that my being socially normalized to view this violence as normal human behavior is sick, maybe or maybe not

I just don't know

I still feel like violence is to be used as a last resource when you are actually under attack.

If you are willing to assert your dominance vby deliberately hurting someone you're supposed to love, you don't have any interest of building a loving relationship, you're interested at building a tyranically position of dominance.
And if that's the way you look at life, I don't think you deserve to be admired.

I would say that you did a good thing, but I am generally non-confrontational, and I'd be super stressed out dealing with someone after I called the cops on them.

>>1166860
I don't understand at a fundamental mental level why enacting violence against partners is just the way things are, being just the way that love between adults generally is, and me trying my absolute best to empathize with the perpetrators while doing what I can to put myself into their shoes and tolerate them in an open-minded fashion... it's just not working.

It makes me kind of hate myself at this passionate, seething level because I've ratted out somebody to the cops and morally (or so I'm told) deserve to be f--ked up over it by the dude that I called the cops on.

>"I would say that you did a good thing."
Did I? Did I really? If I did, then why wouldn't somebody who's not you tell me as such? Why wouldn't my friends say so? My family say so? Why are you currently alone in saying that it was a "good thing"?

I know I'm ranting but like okay so I mention what happened to my step-dad and he's all just like "Oh, yeah, I've a next door neighbor who abused his little kid and made them scream in pain and I heard noises, and I called CPS but nothing happened after they just stopped by casually, and then eventually they moved out. Just have to live with it, kiddo".

And my bio-mother is like "Oh, yeah, the house next door keeps everybody awake at night with the husband loudly hitting his wife, can't wait until we move really soon, what can you do"

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills like why is this so normalized why is this so normalized why is this so normalized why is this viewed as such a simple and routine and casual thing and standard thing my God why

Sorry, I'll get offline now

>>1166861
> Did I? Did I really? If I did, then why wouldn't somebody who's not you tell me as such? Why wouldn't my friends say so? My family say so? Why are you currently alone in saying that it was a "good thing"?
Did anyone else tell you it was a bad decision?

> I don't understand at a fundamental mental level why enacting violence against partners is just the way things are, being just the way that love between adults generally is
It is not okay and shouldn't be the standard. It also isn't the standard.

People do it, I think, because there is a high that comes with terrorizing other weaker people. It is a kick one gets from pushing someone into submission and making them feel afraid of you.
It is very selfish.

>>1166863
>Did anyone else tell you it was a bad decision?
Yes. Friends and family have. And my instincts also say so.

>It is not okay and shouldn't be the standard. It also isn't the standard.
You sound like a far left radical extremist in saying that, though? Maybe? Who're you to say that socially centered traditional and cultural values going back decades upon decades founded on sacred religious faith and more aren't correct and proper? Who am I to go against family? To go against friends?

If everybody you met seems to be an asshole, then doesn't that make you the asshole? Isn't it more likely that the crowd is correct and you're in the wrong?

Maybe men who beat up women should be tolerated? Listened to? Maybe we should be open-minded to them? Intellectually consider their beliefs and show them compassion? Stop being a whiny special snowflake going up against them?

I don't want to be some kind of a complete idiot, freak, deviant, monster, moron, etc for going against core moral values here... and my instincts are screaming at me to listen to friends and family instead of far left propaganda about domestic violence... yeah...

>>1166864
> Not being okay with someone beating up their wife is far left political propaganda

Maybe you should take some time out  off the internet.

>You shouldn't believe that this is something that half or a third of your neighbors, friends, and family just do, by inherent instinct?

Actually, yeah, in the US the rates of domestic abuse are at about a third of women in relationships.  Worse in a lot of other places.  And that number doesn't include abused men, which is another maybe 1/5 of that.  (Reporting is more difficult from males.)

That said, a third is still a minority, and it's still worth it to report that to police.  Though the most important part would still be that the abused partner actually wants to escape, which they aren't always ready to do.  

On some level, it is normal, but that doesn't mean that you or anyone you love should be okay with it.  The more we reject abusive partners, the fewer there will be.  Be the change you want to see in the world, as the saying goes.

Pic unrelated.

Domestic abuse is illegal and is punishable by the word of the law, at least in the states

So calling the cops on abusers is the correct choice. Breaking their kneecaps is a close second

>>1166857
>I'm genuinely quite scared that the domestic abuser knows that I was the one who called the police on him Sunday
for as far as he is aware could've been quite literally anybody

seeing as you're in a apartment complex the walls have ears and everyone can hear just about everything that goes on

i think you'll be fine

>>1166865
>>1166874
>>1166882
>>1166883
Realistically, I think that my previous assessment that my actual calling of the cops while standing by my window yet thinking that the abuser had heard me afterwards due to the appearance of somebody at the adjacent window (the other apartment's one a few feet away)... like... the guy was stomping around and doesn't know about me.

Also, I was already going to move some distance away and am in that process, regardless.

Still, I can't deny that the notion of the abusive asshole straight up getting a baseball bat to the knees feels right.

As someone who grew up in a poor household, and a very, VERY abusive household, let me tell ya-You did the right fucking thing.

To set you at ease a bit, absolutely play stupid if they try to accuse you of calling the cops, and vehemently tell them you don't put your nose in other peoples business. Just, lie out your ass for your own protection. I hate lying, but in this instance I think it's absolutely appropriate and necessary, for your own safety. Plus, it's not like the whole neighborhood couldn't have heard them and anyone could have made that call, so the suspicion won't stay on you for long. If it even comes up at all.

But unfortunately while it is sadly a common occurrence, it still is not okay. It still isn't right.

Mental healthcare in this country still seems to be such a shunned topic... and half the time, access to it is difficult. Access to support in general is difficult. On top of just having to dig yourself out of toxic and abusive patterns that you learned early on and then that follow you through adulthood.

I hope that victim can find a way to get support, but they may not.

Do NOT feel bad for what you did. You did the right thing. I don't know why those police didn't do more to help, but maybe it could have made it worse on the victim if all they could do was like, tell the abuser to leave for a night or something. I know that I once tried to pursue a restraining order against a family member and it didn't get very far with the lack of a paper trail and how much time had passed. And even if I had succeeded in getting the order, well...it wouldn't have actually kept me safe. The laws are just sadly not set up to truly protect victims.

No you did the right thing.

Sometimes a situation could be misinterpreted, but that doesn't mean someone shouldn't check and find out.

I informed staff when I could hear a couple screaming at each other when I was at a hostel in Denmark recently and I'd do it again. The staff were grateful even though not much really happened.

For what it's worth no, it's not normal for partners to hit each other for any reason. I find it weird how often people just call things, like, a lovers spat or something like this is normal...

eh, well, i would say that as for thinking they might think u were the one that called, it could have been any1, even someone passing by. u could lie, as another poster mentioned, or u could also project yourself as not necessarily caring too much about the domestic violence (u can still express disapproval 2 him in a way that doesn't condemn), but rather the noise disturbance, if the conversation came down 2 it. (was the guy saying he knew he thought his partner wouldn't call the police?)

but to answer ur sanity check, no, domestic violence is not normal. some states have strict laws and procedures for how such cases move forward after the victim calls once for being hit or grabbed in a violent way (even if it only happened once and with no history of abuse - zero tolerance policy), including mandatory separating of the two for a period of time (months, i think), immediate jail for the accused, and a mandatory anger management course. there is also emergency housing available for victims of domestic violence - they r top housing priority.

it is also likely a violation of their lease agreement, as they were preventing u from peaceful enjoyment of your home, and so you could theoretically talk to him about that or call your landlord, if u were so inclined.

most religions, including conservative Christian, r against domestic violence, as well, so not normal at all.

i think it was good that the police showed up to their unit, at least, since it is now on record that domestic violence may have occurred there, and it may also have served 2 reign in the abuser a bit. (as for those saying u shouldnt have called,  at least in this instance, i think u have a strong argument against them - there is, perhaps, a certain humor there in him saying that he knows his partner won't call and then the police mysteriously showing up at his door.)

but yeah, if the abuser thinks u were the one who called, depending on ur social skills, i imagine someone with maxxed-out stats would maybe lie and even feign sympathy, if needed, but also mention that they don't appreciate all the loud noises coming from his apartment on a Sunday morning (b sure 2 emphasize the word, "Sunday"). If pressed, this hypothetical elite social engineer might then go on to convey they don't care wat he does in his apartment as long as it's quiet - but it would b tricky 2 not imply tacit approval, so words would need 2 b used wisely.

from wat im reading online, though, one law website says 2 stay out of it as much as possible, while another has suggestions 4 helping friends. it ultimately looks like it's up 2 the victim 2 make the call if they want help or not, and it may b more complicated in states without zero-tolerance laws and procedures.

[(law website)]: https://esfandilawfirm.com/hearing-domestic-violence-at-neighbors/

[(another website)]: https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/ending-domestic-violence/8-ways-to-help-a-victim-of-domestic-violence